This Mother's Day

I recently read an article written by a woman my age.  It was about her mom, for her mom.  It was beautiful, and it made me realize that I don't need to write about my mom's death to process it any more.  What I need and long to do is write about her life! I started writing on Mother's Day weekend, and soon realized that what I had to say would be much longer than a blog post - or even 10.  So here it is - just a few words of tribute to my beloved mother, Ruth.

This is my mom when she was a little girl.  I don't know what age she is in this photo, but I think maybe around 10.  I love this for so many reasons.  When I look at this picture, I feel like I'm looking at myself too.

Here she is as a college student - beautiful, ambitious and ready to take on the world!  I never could tire of her vivacious energy or warm smile. 

I think one of the things that made mom so great is that she never tried to fit any mold.  She never fretted about how to be a good mom.  She never sat around reading articles about how to perfectly discipline a child, how to create chore lists, or how to make the perfect birthday party.  In fact, my mom was not a disciplinarian at all.  She never was super organized about chores (or about anything, really), and stressing about a birthday party was the last thing on her mind.  Don’t get me wrong.  Her kids were her life!  We were the very heart beating in her chest!  To me, mom’s genius was that she just lived her life with all the integrity, courage, and gusto she possessed…and it was a lot!  She didn’t stress out constantly about whether things were perfect, and she certainly wasn’t comparing herself to others (frankly, she was too busy to notice what they were doing)!  She just lived well.  We were along for the ride, and what we learned was huge. 

(Me and my mom when I was 4) 

 

(Me and mom at my wedding - 9 years ago)

Our birthdays were amazing even though she usually threw something together last minute.  She was just so incredibly good at getting 8 million things done at once!  When I turned 5, she made the most perfect Strawberry Shortcake Cake ever.  She didn’t spend the month before trying to figure how to make a perfect cake, she just bought the cake pan from the grocery store and whipped it up like it was no biggie - as though she had worked in a bakery half her life!  She had so much talent for decorating and beautifying, that I’m sure she’d have been a pinterest guru if pinterest were around when she was raising us.  But she would have never had the time for that – or the interest.  There were bigger priorities on her mind than cake tutorials. 

(This is the only picture of that birthday party that I have - I wish I had been looking at the camera or that we could get a better look at the cake, but this was the 80's, people.  Regular moms did not take 300 pictures at every event back then.  Nor did they fancy themselves photographers.  So, I guess it'll do!)

She could whip up a mouth-watering meal in 30 minutes out of scraps…and she often did!  I can’t tell you how many times we’d ask her on the way home from church what was for dinner, and her enthusiastic and cheerful reply would be, “it’s a surprise!”  Amazingly, the surprise was always delicious.  And no matter how hungry she was, she would ALWAYS give us what she had to eat if we wanted it. I know it seems trivial, but this really underscores her generosity.  

(Here mom is baking up a storm, or maybe just modeling a new apron on Christmas Eve a few years ago)

Mom led a purposeful life, full of many meaningful ventures.  She loved her business because her business gave her the opportunity to change lives.  She was all about inspiring people to fulfill their purpose on earth…to live intentionally.  Her intensity and drive to pursue goals gave us the opportunity to do the same.  To me, it seemed like the only normal way to live!  I won’t lie and say how much I loved her being on business calls all the time or having endless meetings.  What I loved most were the times that she wasn’t working…like the week before Christmas when we’d bake cookies and make wreaths and decorate and beautify and play games every night as a family!  

(Mom spending some quality holiday time with Weston and Sophie - 2010 and 2011)

I loved weekends, just like all kids do.  On Saturdays, my brother often had soccer games.  My mom rarely missed any game Mike played in.  Even though it was fun, I was sometimes embarrassed by her excessive enthusiasm and over-involvement.  I can still see her on the side-lines repeatedly shouting, “be aggressive Mike!!”  I’m sure it never occurred to her that the other moms didn’t do that.  Why should it?  I also remember going to the Price Club and watching Star Search on Saturday night.  Those were the days!

 I loved Sundays too because mom NEVER did work on Sunday.  She would play the piano and I would sing hymns (cheesy perhaps, but we loved it)!  We often baked on Sunday, and during the warmer months we’d lay out by the pool and talk and do our nails. 
  

(Mom and me in Hawaii when I was 9 years old - that trip is a truly sweet memory from my childhood.  I love the way my mom is looking at me in this pic!  I wonder what book I was reading...)

Every time mom prayed, she would thank God for allowing us the privilege of living on the earth at this time.  She seemed to always have uppermost in her mind the importance of preparing for the return of Jesus Christ.  She emphasized that we should never waste anything – not our time, our talents, our intelligence, or our opportunities.  She constantly taught by her actions and words that we should anxiously be engaged in the things that truly matter (learning, serving, working, doing).  I love that about her!  She certainly wasn’t perfect, but you could never say she was lukewarm about anything.  She didn’t let her imperfections prevent her from pressing forward with genuine enthusiasm.  She’d try to improve, but not waste time on regrets.  Her positive attitude permeated our life.  I didn’t fully appreciate these golden traits until I was older.

 (Mom doing business in Europe - it is so like her to take a pic next to some gorgeous flower arrangement!)

 (Proof that mom didn't always work.  Yes, those are UNO cards in her hands!)

It seems that motherhood was effortless for my mom.  Life wasn’t effortless, but lovingly bringing us along for the ride was second nature for her.  All of her pursuits would have felt meaningless without us. She adored and admired us, and seemed to have confidence that we could do anything…which she told us all the time!  No challenge was too great that we couldn’t succeed with flying colors (according to her)!  She would have us help her with business presentations – whenever she could convince us to, anyway.  She once had me fly to Ireland (when I was 19) to do a couple days of business training before she even got there.  I seriously didn’t think I had a clue what to do, but I guess I did well enough, because she seemed pleased with how it all went.  It is impossible to measure how much confidence she instilled in us with her sheer certainty that we were brilliant and could do anything, but I know I want to instill this same confidence in my own children.  I realize now that she saw our weaknesses, but didn’t focus on them. 

(My mother's greatest achievements. How I love this picture of my brother and me!)

Mom was in no way perfect, but for every flaw she had, there were a million ways that she made up for it.  For example, she made huge messes, especially when cooking.  And she usually cooked everything on high because she was in a hurry.  But she never got mad at us when we spilled things or messed something up, or locked her out of her room without a key.  Yeah, I did that once on accident.  She didn’t waste one second being upset with me.  She didn’t ever waste her time getting upset over the mistakes kids are bound to make – even if it meant huge inconvenience or added stress on her.  We never felt that we were a disappointment to her, and we never wanted to.  She loved us so well and esteemed us so highly, that I don’t think either of us could bear the thought of disappointing her.  I know I couldn’t.

 (Me and mom at my high school graduation)

After she passed away, I became quickly and painfully aware that no one else was as proud of me as was she, and if they were, I certainly wasn't going to hear about it on a daily basis!  Her encouragement didn't make me arrogant.  It made me feel loved and capable.  I am still surrounded by people that love me and are kind to me, but I sure miss the lady who knew my weakest spots and still believed in me one hundred percent of the time without reservation.  I am pretty sure this quality she possessed to truly believe in others is the reason that at least 15 different people told me after she died that she was their best friend.  She made everyone feel amazing, important, glorious.  The truth is, she believed that they were!

 (My mom with her dad, on the day my grandpa and grandma remarried each other (I was 12).  I found a letter recently that my mom had written me when he died (I was on my mission at the time)...she talked of how much she would miss his frequent phone calls, enthusiasm, and constant encouragement.  I know the feeling, mom!)

She especially could think no evil of her children, or so it seemed.  I am not sure really how this fierce conviction in our absolute goodness didn't produce conceited, ridiculous humans, but I think it had to do with something deeper.  She didn't think we were perfect, but she had an amazing way of reminding us of who we were and of what we were capable.  Once, when I was wasting my time hanging out with a boyfriend on a Sunday, not really feeling like going to church, she responded in a genius way that I'm sure she never thought twice about...it was the only way she would ever think to respond in a situation like that.  Instead of lecturing us or trying to force us in any way to get our butts to church, she simply asked, "Are you two noble spirits going to church today?"  She was so sincere and earnest in her praise of our noble nature, it was nearly impossible to resist the invitation!  And that was her way.

(Mom was always an affectionate person...and she certainly was never too busy or preoccupied to 

snuggle with one of her grand kids!)

(My mom with her lovely mom a few years ago.)

This Mother’s day, I am strengthening my resolve to be more like my mom - to love my kids more perfectly, to encourage them more continuously, and to choose patience over regret.  I won’t waste time obsessing about my imperfections; instead, I will push forward with gratitude for the opportunities that each new day brings. 

I love you, mom!!!!

Cute conversations

This morning while lazily waking up, I felt a soft little hand caressing my face, and heard a loving little Sophie voice say in almost a whisper, "it's ok mommy, just go back to sleep..."
At this point, I had already been attempting to sleep for awhile, since Saturday is the only day that holds hope for any amount of sleeping in at all.  But it was 8:00, so lazy time was definitely over!  Then, for some reason, Sophie started talking about "passing out," which she said is kind of like sleeping.  Soon, I realized she was talking about mom.  She talks A LOT about the last time we saw grandma, and I guess it just takes a long time to process watching someone die, especially someone you love so deeply.  I can't blame her, I have thought about it way, way more than I want to admit.  We talk about grandma a lot, but I have noticed that Sophie will often often start talking about grandma dying at a time when I am also thinking about it...which kind of startles me because it is always out of the blue.  We must be on the same wavelength!  I wonder what it would take to keep that similarity of wavelength into her teenage years???  But I digress...

So, this morning Sophie wanted to talk about passing out (which is what mom did the evening before she passed away since her blood pressure was so low).  Sophie was saying it just means to sleep, because she saw grandma fall sleep...and then eventually stop breathing.  I began explaining to her that passing out is more than just sleeping, but suddenly I had no idea how to explain going unconscious.  She could obviously sense this, and said (while again caressing my face), "don't worry mama, just go back to sleep."  Jason, a silent observer of the conversation asked Sophie why she is such a sweet little princess, to which she replied, "because I love my mommy and daddy so much!"  Jason then said something about how that was why he was going to give her a pink corvette (what!?) one day, to which I obviously gave him a look...but since she doesn't know what a corvette is anyway, I guess for now we're safe.

Next thing, this little conversation ensued:
Jason (to me): "I wonder if so-and-so could sue so-and-so for slander..."
Weston: "What is 'slander?'"
Jason: "Oh, he's a guy I knew once from the Ukraine."
Weston: "Oh, did he have a pirate belt?"
Jason: "Yeah, actually, I think he had one very much like the one you're wearing."

We have these cute, entertaining little encounters with the kids almost continually.  They are growing and learning and thinking and expressing so many wonderful things, and I just wish I could remember more of the great things they say!  Here area a few memorable moments, some of them taken from facebook (where I often record such moments):

10/13:
Me: "What is your favorite thing about watching The Other Side of Heaven?"  (because we watch it literally every Sunday.)
Sophie: "Oh, I like it because Jean gets married!!"  (Which happens like the last 30 seconds of the movie...this is just another indication of her obsession with getting married!  Do all little girls do this?)

10/18:
Sophie seems to think "gak" is a unit of measurement...as in, "I had three gaks of soup tonight!" She's been using the term for awhile now. I know I should correct her, but it is just so cute!

10/16:

Sophie wants to be the good witch from the Wizard of Oz, Glinda, for Halloween. Weston, however, is trying to convince her to be "Glinda the gangster."  

While picking out her shoes for said costume, Weston was actually very helpful.  He seemed to have a good sense about which ones most accurately portrayed the look and feel of Glinda.  He told me to get rid of the other shoes, because this one pair just had "the spirit of Glinda!"  He repeated it several times, because he felt so sure that those were the best ones.  I thought it was hilarious that he explained his observation by saying that they had the "spirit of Glinda," lol!

10/12:
I heard Sophie crying and asked what happened:
Weston: "Um, I just moved her skin a little with my foot."
Sophie: "He stepped on me!!"

10/11:

Hello Ladies!

10/10:

Sophie(4 years old): Dad, I will pick a good boy to marry.
Me: What???
Sophie: Dad I'm gonna marry a prince, you know.
Me: Let's just focus on getting through preschool.  

10/9:

Jason (to me): "Why don't we have a song? You know, one that only reminds us of each other?"
Me: "Probably because we don't like the same kind of music..."
Jason (jokingly): "I guess there's just not enough love in our relationship"
Weston (matter-of-factly): "It's because you don't have enough PIRATE LEGENDS in your relationship!" 

10/8:

Tonight after watching The Little Mermaid, we discovered plastic forks in Sophie's hair! Guess she thought she'd try out a dinglehopper and see how it worked. 

10/7:

Sophie: "I am helping Weston rebuild his fort. He really loves me when I do this! His heart is just beeping love for me!"

10/4:

I can always tell what Disney movie Sophie is into based on the name of her favorite baby doll. Her name used to be Rapunzel, but now it's Flounder (go figure)!   

10/4:

Me: "Sophie, I don't want to have to take away your 'Little Mermaid' video!"
Sophie: "It's not a video, mom, it's a MOVIE!"
And that is when it occurred to me that she doesn't know what a video even is!

10/1:

Sophie getting ready to pick her reserved copy of The Little Mermaid.
#mydisneyprincess

9/29:

Jason: "Stop yelling, Weston!"
Weston: "I'm just in that phase of life, dad!"

9/25:

20 years ago today, at the age of 15, I was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was far and away the best decision I have ever made! Every good and meaningful and significant thing in my life has been shaped by that one important choice. I am eternally thankful for all of the people who helped me to take that courageous first step, and the many amazing and beautiful people who have been true friends along my path ever since!! 

9/19:

Me: "Sophie, why did you take your ponytail out at school?"
Sophie (non-challantly): "Oh, I like to wear my hair down because that's my special glory."
I have no idea where she heard that, but I thought it was so cute!!

9/3:

In some homes, you have to be careful where you put your shoes so the dog doesn't get them and chew on them. In our home, you have to be careful where you put your shoes or the BABY will chew on them!! In other news, he took his first small step this weekend and also began saying "mama!"

9/2:

As we were reading scriptures together the other night, the kids asked about the meaning of what we were reading:
Me: "Well, in this part it's talking about some of the really evil people that did terrible things, and warning us to keep such evil things out of our society."
Sophie: "But mom, there's no bad people like that in real life, just in the scriptures."
Me: "Actually, there are some people like that now too in the world."
Sophie (with great drama and emotion): "But Heavenly Father is watching over us! He is protecting us always...mom, for REALS! I am SERIOUS!!"
I have taught her well. 

8/26:

 I'm normally a little nervous with baby drivers, but Brighton is a very serious little boy. so I felt safe. #babydrivers  (Jason)

      

8/26:

First Day of School (First Grade)

 

8/19:

Happy birthday to my sassy, bright, sweet Sophie. I cannot imagine life without her loving, lively, sparkling personality! I wish my mom were here to celebrate with us...but who knows, maybe she will be. 

8/14:

In her prayer this morning, Sophie said the following:
"Please bless Brighton that he'll never throw up again, and that when he grows up he will be a good man."

8/13:

Weston: "Mom, I want to add something to my chore chart...something I need to do every day."
Me (intrigued): "What's that?"
Weston: "I need to learn about pirates and practice drawing pirate ships so I can get better and better at it, even though I am already so good at it....so maybe that can be the first chore I do today. Will I get paid a nickel for that?"

7/30:

Weston (shouting at me through the bathroom door, where I had hoped for 15 seconds alone): "Mom! I want to take a bath right now!"
Me: "We are about to have lunch, why don't you just wait until after you eat? Why are you in such a hurry?"
Sophie (shoving her Rapunzel Barbie doll through the crack in the bathroom door): "To baptize this little lady!!"
Well, I guess the time has come to have that talk with the kids about how inanimate objects don't need baptism...lol!

7/25:

Me: "Please close the door, Sophie."
Sophie: "But mommy, Weston is the one that opened it!"
Me: "Well, you are the one close to the door right now. Weston does lots of things for you, too. We are a family, so we all help each other out."
Sophie: "Actually, mom, we are a TEAM!"
Well that works too. I guess my usual lecture involves telling the kids that we are a team. I'm just glad someone has been listening! 

7/21:

My kids right now are playing "missionary." They are dressed in their Sunday best, with missionary tags on and backpacks too...it is really cute. 

7/7:

This is the conversation we had just now after watching The Other Side of Heaven:
Sophie: "That is a moving movie."
Me: "Did it touch your heart?"
Sophie: "yeah"
Weston: "It didn't touch my heart...it only got to my lungs. My mind wasn't very open this time so it only touched my lungs."

6/24:

Me: "Who ever finds the remote will earn a quarter!"
Weston: "I would prefer a dollar, actually."
You don't say...        

6/5:

Sophie: "mom, did you ever have a boyfriend when you were a teenager?"
Weston: "yeah, mom, what was his name!?"
Me: "well, the first boy I dated was when I was 17. His name was John."
Sophie (bursting with enthusiasm): "you mean like John the Baptism!?!?" 

Eight Months Old!

How can it be that my precious little baby boy is getting so big!?  I can hardly believe he is now 8 months old.  Here are a few current facts on Brighton:

 

*     He weighs 24 lbs.

*     He has 7 teeth

*     He has long, luscious eyelashes

*     He loves to grunt, yell, and make every loud, boyish baby noise possible!

*     He moves fast and has NO FEAR

*     He loves to clap, wave his arms, and "dance"

*     He LOVES to watch his brother and sister...the crazier they act, the more excited he gets (uh-oh)!

*     He puts everything in his mouth, and I do mean e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. (plant leaves, rubber bands and bits of paper seem to be his favorites)

*     He loves to take baths and vigorously splash water all over the place!

*     He will smile for just about anyone

*     He loves music, especially when someone sings to him

*     Unless asleep, he is virtually always on the move

*     He is standing up and walking along furniture, and often tries to let go and stand on his own!

*     He is patient with the kids, who sometimes accidentally maul him while trying to "cuddle"

*     I call him my little "Bugaboo,"  Jason often refers to him simply as "chunk" and sometimes "the professor." Sophie tells us to call him "Boo-gee," but both of the kids most often call him "goo-baby."

*     We ADORE our little handsome sweetheart Brighton.  He brings us all so much joy and happiness!!

 

My mom would so thoroughly enjoy Brighton's adventurous little personality.  I am so thankful she got to spend a little bit of time with him.  I feel her close at times and know she is enjoying her grandchildren ~ watching them progress and shining her approval and love on them...which gives me so much satisfaction and peace.  I am a blessed lady!

Today at church

Weston was giving a talk in primary today (his second one ever), so grandma and great-grandma came to hear him! They got to our church building a few minutes early, so when I went into the hall to take Sophie pottie near the end of sacrament meeting, there they were waiting on the couch in the foyer! Mom snapped this precious little picture of Sophie with great-grandma Van Buren (who we have been so blessed to spend time with these past 3 months)! I love these blue-eyed beauties!Here is Weston, anticipating his talk with great excitement... or possibly trepidation. I'm not really sure. But he did a pretty great job! He talked about how agency is a gift that we need to use wisely. I was proud of my little man.

Sophie P.

Who's that cute little rascal with the wild, wild hair? It's none other than the lovely Sophie P. ("p" is for princess) making another discovery...She was SO proud of herself!The other day my mom came by and had the good fortune of becoming Sophie's naptime pillow. I have a feeling she didn't mind!

Precious little girl...

No one like Grandma

This morning when Weston woke up I asked him if he wanted to cuddle next to mommy for a few minutes... not only because I didn't want to have to get out of bed yet, but because I love to cuddle with my little munchkin, and sometimes he's in that sweet cuddly mood first thing in the morning.
Well, when I asked him, he just shook his head, then ran out the door. When I came stumbling out the room a few moments later, this is what I saw: My mom was on her headset talking on the phone, and Weston just crawled right up into her lap where he stayed for a good while.
Sometimes there's no one like grandma!

Best hubby ever

For Mother's Day, Jason told me he would make me whatever I wanted for dinner. Why did I say pizza? It is certainly not the most elegant dish. But after 10 years of not eating wheat, I have yet to find an edible pizza crust... and that is a LONG time to not eat one of your favorite foods!!

My husband is not a cook, he is a chef. He can do anything in the kitchen, so I knew I was in for a real treat. Just look how delicious the pizza turned out: okay, so you really can't tell how amazing it was by looking at a picture, but I am telling you, it was nothing short of divine! We also had a beautiful salad, artichoke (which I constantly crave while pregnant), grilled corn, and grilled Ahi Tuna. The grilled fish was made especially for my mom, because that was her main entre of choice for mother's day. So not only did Jason create a perfect feast for me, he went out of his way to spoil my mom too. Jason's mom came over for dessert a little later, and we all pigged out again! :) Oh... and I received these gorgeous flowers too. The lillies didn't start opening up until the next day, just look! I wish I could capture their intoxicating aroma and post it on my blog too, but I guess you'll just have to imagine.

And while on the glorious subject of Mother's Day, I thought I'd post this picture of my with my mom. I came across it the other day - what a happy memory! We were in London for a quick trip shortly before Jason and I got married.

I am a blessed lady, and am grateful for my amazing mom. I used to think we weren't anything alike, but being a mom has enlightened me as to just how similar we really are. I hope all of you moms were spoiled rotton and pampered shamlessly on mother's day. You deserve it!!!